Make your own free website on
Mon - 11/11/02 royal rapings
I don't usually post this often but when i read this I couldn't help myself. Apparently one of Prince Charles' aides raped a royal servant. The servant, George Smith, has implicated the royals in a cover-up of the whole thing. Whether it's bullshit or not I just have to say HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Oh fuck..
Mon - 11/11/02 capering capitalists
At first, I couldn't understand it. America had somehow convinced the United Nations to back its ultimatum to Iraq. I could see how Russia crossed, they have their own dragons to slay in the Chechyans. What eluded me was why China folded so easily, that is until I read about the "new" China in the ny times. After meekly suckling at the teet of foreign investors for years they've dropped all pretenses of a Communist China, united to protect the peasants against their capitalist oppressors. They've formally declared the failure of the proletarian dictatorship and have raised a new banner, one much more insidious though entirely direct. The new China has adopted Capitalism with gusto and has already focused most of its growth towards the privatizing of formerly state run institutions. What this means to me, is simply that a government having spent years cultivating personal wealth through corruption, while shouting for the rights of the peasants; has decided to save their voices for the board-rooms and truly engross themselves in the harvesting of individual fortunes. Naturally they continue to refuse democracy, content to keep the money train coming in without any risks of derailment. It seems most peculiar that one day they can just flip a switch and go from one of the last left-wing regimes to another faceless government growing fat from the "blood" of the workers. But, as I've previously stated it wasn't much of a stretch. Some slight shifting of dogma, the closing of the leftist newspapers and it was back to work in the new, "Capitalist" China. Without any semblance of a middle class it has become an oligarchy of wealth; eager to sell cheap labor while ignoring healthcare or its huge unemployment problems. Granted they've reported a growth of 8% which is higher than any other nations today. But that's natural for a shift like this especially when you consider they've only begun implementing a personal income taxation system. Now what does this have to do with America and the UN? Well such a drastic shift in China's economy requires some outside help. That's where those foreign investors I mentioned earlier come in. When America, big poppa Capitalism, comes knockin' on your door with its entourage of corporate investors greedily eyeing your miniscule tax rates and salivating over the unending cheap labor. Not to mention the continued outlawing of independent unions. How can you turn away such eager visitors when all they want is a little vote on some silly resolution. So it seems that this is the world I live in. Life is cheap, people are expendable, wars happen, and who can complain so long as there's a buck to be made.
Wed - 10/16/02 selectively sentient
Roight. The Etc link on the menu works. If you know what's good fer ya, you'll click it now. I had the script running on my box but why should I be forced to slave away in linux when I can exploit the generosity of my friends ;P If you happen to encounter any errors with the script please feel free to write a long letter and send it to someone who cares.
Wed - 10/09/02 caffeinated confessionals
How is it man can look into the inky depths of space and describe a cloud of gas he'll never be near and yet his perception of himself and his fellow man is meiopic at best. I suppose it's distilled from the idea that objectivity allows for true insight. When we get too close our view is blurred by our emotions. So someone can spend their lives making the same mistakes over and over and yet point out failings of world around them without even a hint of the hypocrisy of it all. Not to say that people are incapable of change, on the contrary, we've adapted mental and emotional devices to alter the courses of our lives. Usually a conscious decision isn't sufficient enough for some sort of drastic change so we must adapt different paradigms to try to alter our perceptions and thereby our decisions. Nobody is 'normal'. There's no such thing. Everyone is fucked up in their own ways. Everyone has their own foibles and follies. Except me. I'm fucking perfect. They broke the mold when they made me. So fuck you. Fucking freaks! Ahem.. anyways. It's 1:30am and I am riding out the crest of a caffeine wave. Soon I shall be sucked into the undertow that is sleep and hopefully I shall emerge around 6:30am so I don't miss another class. I've never been one for attending classes. With the removal of my parents I've had to adapt my own methods for motivation. Firstly I have two alarms. I set one 15 minutes ahead of the other. The first one also has a sleep function which I use a few times each morning. When I am fully awake I must then try to come up with reasons to get out of bed. I know this all sounds silly and self-defeating but I am both of those things so fuck you. Once I have sufficiently convinced myself that it's better not to roll over and return to my unconscious bliss I can then go have my shower. I think the fact that I prefer unconciousness to my waking state deserves some attention. It's perhaps some glimpse into an underlying unhappiness with my life. I've always been the 'dreamer' type. Preferring the simple world of my own head to that of the real one around me. Most of the time I retreat there too often. In my mind I am God. There's no denying that. I am smarter than most of the people I encounter and often have insight into people and ideas without much effort. These traits feed my ego and delusions of superiority. That is why I don't relate well to others. I tend to look down upon them. I seem shy, which is bred out of inferiority, but I lack the characteristics associated with it. I speak loudly and steadily. I always walk with my head up and look into people's eyes. I am confident. But as I said I don't spend much time with others. Naturally I do have fears which arise usually when my delusion of superiority is challenged. This occurs most often with women. It's hard to admit, but I am somewhat afraid of them. Well more than somewhat. Lets try deathly. Don't get me wrong here I find them very attractive but their ability to destroy what confidence I have is a very threatening prospect. I suppose in my little world my ego is all I have to cling to and the prospect of losing it is more than I care to risk. So if I'm reading this correctly I'm just afraid of getting hurt. It seems silly but there you have it. A verbose explanation masking a very common emotional phenomenon. Meh..
Sat - 10/05/02 tangible technophilia
I was at a Barrie 2600 meeting last night. It reminded me of the Rubicon network room, in that there was technology in every corner and it was almost impossible to hear anything. Nevertheless it was quite enjoyable and worth the $20 bus ride. I met some people that I'd only heard of and a good time was had by all. I guess.. meh. Anyways I really want a good pda and a sweet laptop but I cannot afford either. On my way to Barrie via GO bus I encountered a young girl. Her head was mostly shaved except for some random tufts that made her look like she'd ripped it out. From her soiled clothing it was clear she was homeless. She then started to make weird faces and gesticulations with her hands. She soon got up and started pacing around occasionally stopping to talk to the window of the bus terminal. At one point she walked up to it and started humping it for a minute or so, statisfied, she grinned maniacally then continued her pacing. She would swing her sweater around seemingly fending off some invisible foe and as some sort of finale she turned back toward the window of the bus station and ran head first into it. Needless to say I found this all very entertaining, not that i didn't pity her, but it did help to kill an hour while waiting for the bus.
Sat - 09/28/02 political opining
This is completely unrelated and yet somehow beautiful in it's own wayJust the other day the American president, George Bush, was quoted as saying, "Saddam Hussein tried to kill my Father and now I'm going after him." This is one of the few glimpses we get into the real mindset of this man of power. Under the guise of homeland defense he pursues a foreign policy twisted by anger and vengeance. He seeks to finish what his father began without any consideration to the consequences of his actions. He has even tried to convince congress to defy the UN if they refuse to consent to an attack. His colleagues have made claims of links between Hussein and Al-Qaeda without any evidence presented. The American people and the rest of the world are simply supposed to smile and nod while he does whatever he pleases. By going after Iraq and continuing to ignore the Israeli-Palestinian situation he makes America more of a target than it has ever been. There is a trend throughout the world to attack and oppress various Muslim communities from the Taliban in Afghanistan, the Palestinians, and the Chechians in Georgia, Russia. Though these attacks were not entirely uncalled for, as there was Muslim aggression in each case, it still creates a very dangerous situation pushing the muslims in those areas and many around the world into desperate acts of violence. Jihad is a strongly cemented idea in the Islamic belief system and the actions of today's world leaders are pushing rifles and bombs into the hands of Muslim youths.
Sun - 09/15/02 i have no fucking clue
Riding out the shit storm on negative gamma clouds. It may seem safe but the radiation will rip your god damn body apart. You can't trust those neo-commies with their red bandanas and happy go-lucky attitudes. They think the world is a revolver around them and all we gotta do is pull the trigger. So fuck you and your pretty lily ways this is America, land of the bombs and we don't want your Alah praising, anthrax sniffing foreign ways here. Give us your poor and huddled masses so we can blame our problems on them. In a completely democratic society everyone's a pariah and we must exterminate those individuals who seem to love these lack-lustre ways. These damned anti-Hollywood freaks who hate happy endings. Hollywood is good. Just look at how it's gripped onto "independent" films making them not so independent and not so unheard of. Propagating little festivals to tell each other stories and congratulate each other on how rich and amazing they all are. We should really close down Nasa and any 'special interest' (a pc term for poor) programs so we can devote more time and money to the real American past-time, making movies. That's in between bombing third world countries of course. Iraq needs a good bombing for ignoring the UN and if the UN won't support us in our attacks then fuck 'em and bomb those sand-niggers anyway. Teach those dirty fuckers a lesson. Why not just elminate all the fucking competition. Bomb the whole bloody world so Bush can rule a fucking graveyard. Sitting on his throne of skulls eating charred baby brains and sniffing another line of coke. Jesus must be sitting on a cloud somewhere vomiting out his ass and shitting out his mouth while St. Peter rolls around in his own filth. A sign on the pearly gates saying, 'Fuck off! We don't want any!! HAAHAHA'. Men and women in various states of decomposition quietly queuing up in a line that will last forever. Meanwhile in Hell, Satan spends eternity watching reruns of MASH in his pink bunny slippers with the whitenoise of people's screams lulling him to sleep. Horror and pain are trademarks of planet Earth and any use of them without expressed written permission will result in us coming to your house, kicking your ass and raping your dog. Don't fuck with us we don't give a shit and we like to see you cry.

How about this, in Vietnam the communist government ceased exportation of opium for the making of Heroin, then the US comes in to save those poor Vietnamese from their commie oppressors. Now, in Afghanistan the Taliban ceased all growth of opium and other such narcotics which was it's only real export. Suddenly the Americans come in to save those poor Afghani's from their Muslim oppressors and drop a few cluster bombs just for the fun of it. Now that America is in a state of fear and paranoia it takes hardly any effort to convince them to go after Iraq for some oil and to finish of his Daddy's war. After that he can his sights on Iran, North Vietnam, Palestine, China. Any perceived enemy to the American way of life. We've already started rounding up and detaining suspicious Muslims. It's only a matter of time before congress suggests internment camps and little patches so we can tell them apart from the 'good' brown people. Don't worry Timmy we'll make a danger free world for you soon enough. No more of those bad brown or yellow people to be afraid of. While we're at it why not start teaching kids to spy on their parents and neighbours to flush out anyone with anti-American sentiments. Who needs a 5 minutes hate when we've got CNN running this shit 24 hrs a day. That's American innovation right there. It makes my heart swell with vomit.

Sun - 09/14/02 melodrama on the midnight express
Something is wrong and I'm trying to put my finger on it. My heart is aching. My stomache's in knots. I'm unhappy again. I spend so much time alone. I must be lonely. That's all I can feel, desolation and loneliness. Yet when I'm around people I'm so desperately shy I can never think of anything to say. It seems like there's no point to being in a crowd when you feel so alone. I just wish I had someone I could really connect with. Someone who cared about me. Who loved me. I can't relate well to people my own age. I've never had many friends. I used to think it was because I lived in a remote area and yet now I'm surrounded by people and feel even more alone. Everyone lives in their minds to a certain extent but I've retreated so far into mine that I'm afraid to come out. I believe that I have life all figured out. But I've never had a girlfriend. Hardly any relationships to speak of, platonic or otherwise. How can I be so aware of the world without any real experience with the people that it consists of. I put up this stoic bravado and most of the time I'm able to believe it but every now and then these intense feelings take hold of me and writing them down is the only way I have of dealing with them.
Sun - 09/08/02 the harrowing halls of academia
Yes, I know, I don't update my website. Oh well. I've finished my first week of college. It was.. interesting.. the teachers are usually late and have breaks in the middle of class. My classmates seem to be clueless and I met a lab technician who was an idiot. I'm so glad I'm paying thousands of dollars for this. My apathy has reached a point at which I have nothing to say. Not on my website. Not to my friends. I can't even be bothered to meet people on campus. I feel so numb.
Sun - 08/25/02 JNI92101953
So I will be moving in a week. Off to college, on my own for the first time. I went shopping today for supplies et al.. it's all very exciting.. really.. I got a digital camera for $76! That's damn cheap. It's not great but it works. I go down to the school on Wednesday for orientation and to write an English Assessment test. It's all very important.. really.. this is all I have to say at the moment.. g'day
Sat - 08/10/02 dave, my mind is going
To begin, let me say, I am not a newbie to the world of computers yet I certainly don't claim to be a guru either. Having said that, I'll bring you up to speed. A few days ago I woke up and turned on my computer. While it was going through the boot sequence it failed to detect my hard drive. So I went to the cmos setup and tried to auto-detect it with no luck. I then tried some partition magic boot disks, they failed to find the drive either. So completely defeated, I shut it off. I couldn't call the store I got it from until the weekend as I work all week and don't get home til they close. I mourned it all week. That is, until this morning when I woke up and turned it back on expecting to see the same error and it detects the hard drive and boots Lilo as if nothing had ever happened. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or scream. I checked the partitions and they had no data loss. Everything is perfectly normal except for the fact that somehow my computer healed itself from a crippling injury. It was practically a near-death experience.
Thurs - 08/01/02 troymachine on the scene
Because Cyan0sis has asked me to update his website for him, I'm proud to present you with...

The Narrow Gate

Jesus said: "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matt. 7:13-14

So then, what are these two gates he's talking about, and what of these roads?

These two gates he's refering to are the gates of Heaven and Hell. Naturally the wide gate leading to destruction is the gate of Hell, and the broad road states that there are many ways into Hell. Obviously such things as Santanism, Occult, Murder, and Adultry will surely earn you a ticket on the 'Hell train'. However, many of us (even some 'Christians') have forgotten that there are infinite ways into Hell, but only one way into the Kingdom of Heaven.

This brings us to the second gate. It's small, found at the end of a narrow path and discovered only by a few. Because this gate leads to Heaven, a place of beauty beyond our earthly understanding and containing the full presence of God, and because it's so very hard to find (more so now then when Jesus spoke those words), many of you may be asking where this gate is, and how does one find himself welcomed when he finds it?

In John 14:6, Jesus is quoted saying "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" and again in Acts 4:12 we see Peter, standing before rulers and elders of the people, proclaiming the name of Jesus Christ in saying "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

The one and only way into Heaven is clearly by accepting Jesus as LORD and Saviour. Repenting (To make a change for the better as a result of remorse or contrition for one's sins.) of our old lives, living for Christ and doing God's will.

"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." John 3:36

"I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life." John 5:24

Check out

God Bless,
Troy Machine
Tue - 07/02/02 fear and trembling
Fear is a quality that binds all of mankind together. We fear what we do not understand. We fear what might be. Sometimes we fear for no discernible reason. This instinct, that's been carried over from our ancient past, has allowed us to stay alert and beware of the many dangers around us. The ancestral fear of predators lurking in the darkness has shaped the mythology of every human culture. The combination of fear and our imagination has given us demons and monsters of every kind and in doing so allowed us to create our heroes and gods to rescue us from the darkness. In today's society, however, fear has become a shackle that holds many of us back. Those who are able to break free are often rewarded with the best luxuries man can offer. Yet, this anachronism holds us in it's grasp. Under stressful circumstances it causes our palms to sweat, our pulse to quicken and our stomache to twist into knots. Ironically this instinct which has protected us for so long, today, often drags us to our doom. They say fear is the ultimate motivator and in fact it motivates our daily decisions on a level we're not even aware of must of the time. It can control us to a point where any hope for a normal life is lost and every step seems like an endless climb. But, just like any of our senses or emotions it can be controlled and, to a certain extent, ignored. Fear is irrational and chaotic; a throw-back to an ancient part of ourselves we'd like to forget about, and yet, one must wonder if we would really be better off without it. Whether we'd lose that part of ourselves that stands in awe of the world around us, that must find a way to understand and master it.
Sun - 06/30/02 truth is beauty
Truth is a concept created by mankind, fathered by the assumption that things either exist or do not. Our perception of truth is what we use to define existence. Religion, philosophy and science are merely extensions of this premise; a search for an absolute truth. By which we can define all of existence. It is this search for truth that drives us to look beyond our perceptions. What we believe to be truth, however, is defined by our perceptions. Not only physical perceptions such as our senses but spiritual perceptions such as the belief in an absolute truth. The human longing to glimpse infinity and to touch the cheek of God. What we can see, hear and touch we believe and yet at the same time we believe in things that are beyond the scope of our senses. So what does truth have to do with belief? Subjective truths are beliefs. What each of us perceives to be true, we believe. The human search for an absolute truth is an attempt to turn our subjective truths into an all encompassing objective truth which would explain existence/reality. This may never occur as we define reality by our own subjective truths and to attempt to carry those truths over to a universal objective truth will only cause them to be muddled by our perceptions creating merely the illusion of an objective or absolute truth. It almost sounds like I know what I'm talking about..
Fri - 06/24/02 subjective solutions
I finally got around to putting in a subject to my updates.. hooray. I was looking for a simple way to have to oppositely justified entries on the same line. After listening to suggestions of frames and dhtml from a questionable resource I fiddled around and did it with tables. Hooray for html and writing it in notepad. Yes, well this is a rather bland update. Perhaps I could do a striptease to spice things up a bit.. perhaps not.
Fri - 06/21/02 dabbling in dogma
An 8-year-old's Explanation of God
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grown-ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He doesn't have to take up His valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers. God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless He has thought of a way to turn it off. God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere, which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting His time by going over your Mom and Dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have. Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least there aren't any who come to our church. Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His Father, and He told His Father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said OK. His Dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So He did. And now He helps His Dad out by listening to prayers and seeing which things are important for God to take care of and which ones He can take care of Himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important. You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time. You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God. Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

Hooray for a child's ability to mindlessly regurgitate dogma!

Previous Updates